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Jokes
Some states do offer "OTB", off-track betting. These little bookie shops are scattered around a large city where you can bet on the horse races and do not have to drive all the way to the track. One day, a religious group scattered around town to spread "the good word", to the people in the downtown area. One person out of this group walked into the horse shop filled with 70 horse bettors and opened the door and yelled "Pray For Forgiveness", and walked out the door and down the street. Ole' a compulsive gambler who had a bad day with the early races, went down the street and ran up to the man and said, "What Race?"
Ole' and Lena moved into a new retirement community, and Ole' was invited to a guy's night out for a long poker game on Saturday night. Ole' was sure he won the first hand of the night, when he flashed his cards showing 3 Kings. As Ole' was grabbing the poker chips, Kenny said "Not so fast, I got 3 Aces." Ole' asked to see Kenny's hand, but the rest of the neighbors told Ole' that this was strictly a gentlemen's game and there was no need to show your hand do to the fact of the community trust with everyone.
When Ole' came home that night, Lena asked him how the poker night went. Ole' said, "Just great, after the first hand I never lost the rest of the night."One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil... Satan: "Why so glum?" Guy: "Why do you think? I'm in hell!" Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?" Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Satan: "Well you're going to love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and fresca. And we don't worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway." Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!" Satan: "You a smoker?" Guy: "You better believe it!" Satan: "All right! You're going to love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?"
Guy: "Wow, that's awesome!" Satan: "I bet you like to gamble." Guy: "Why yes, as a matter of fact I do." Satan: "'Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt... you're dead anyhow." Guy: "WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!" Satan: "You gay?" Guy: "Hell, no!" Satan: "Hm, you gonna hate Fridays then."Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation.
The first guy says "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my old lady flings her arms & hollers, "7 come 11" all night & I haven't had a wink of sleep!"
The second guy says "I know what you mean...my old lady played black jack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers "hit me light or hit me hard", and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"
The third guy says "You guys think you have it bad! My old lady played the slots the whole time we were there and I wake up each morning with a sore dick and an a$$ full of quarters."
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